My breasts used to be my favourite and most sensitive erogneous zones, me and my husband used to know exactly what would arouse me but now it always feels like such an effort to get turned on and I just can’t be bothered. My husband doesn’t know how to turn me on anymore. How can I get excited when I can’t get the same pleasure I used to?

Yvonne O’ Meara - Psychosocial Oncologist & Systemic Psychotherapist:

Navigating a new sexual norm is hard. Recognising that your sex life will never be like it was before is a loss,this is not to say difference cannot be as good, or better. Taking the time to grieve this is important before you can move forward in exploring what is right for you. Communication is key with your husband. See this as an opportunity to explore. You describe a lack of desire as well as a lack of insight into what turns you on and therefore your husband is also in the dark. Maybe the first step is taking sex off the table and just focus on touch and sensuality. Go for a hot bath or shower together, light some candles, create an atmosphere and just concentrate on the feeling of your husband touching you. Tell him where it feels nice. Getting your sex life back after a mastectomy takes time and effort, but it will be worth it. Doing sensate focused exercises can help you build up your desire and get reacquainted with your body. 

Further resource: Tess Deveze, Australian Occupational Therapist who herself had breast cancer wrote A Better Normal: Your Guide to Rediscovering Intimacy after Cancer. Tess was also on the Irish podcast Glow West - Ep 105 ‘Sex, Cancer and Pleasure’.